Loneliness is subjective, it creates a deep psychological wound, that distorts our perceptions and confuses our thoughts. It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do, thereby makes us really afraid to reach out, and face rejection. Studies shows that loneliness won't just make you miserable; it can kill you. Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14%. Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol, it suppresses the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases, it poses as significant a risk for your long-term health and longevity as cigarette smoking. Cigarette packs come with warnings saying, "This could kill you." But loneliness doesn't. And that's why it's so important that we prioritize our psychological health, that we practice emotional hygiene.  

Failure like loneliness is also a psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and misleads us. Our mind tricked us into believing we could not succeed. We all have a default set of feelings and beliefs that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks. If your mind tries to convince you you're incapable of something, and you believe it, then you'll begin to feel helpless and you'll stop trying, or you won't even try at all. And then you'll be even more convinced you can't succeed. That’s why so many people function below their actual potential. Once we become convinced of something, it's very difficult to change our mind. So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail. You have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins. You cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can't succeed. You have to fight feelings of helplessness. You have to gain control over the situation.

Our minds and our feelings – are not the trustworthy friends we thought they were, who can be totally supportive one minute, and really unpleasant the next.  Look at the excuses we’re making, how we negatively self talk our way out of responsibility, instead of facing it. We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings. We wouldn't make a physical injury worse on purpose but we allow self loathing. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene, we don't prioritize our psychological health. We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety; that failures and rejections hurt more, and it takes longer to recover from them. So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club. When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend by being kind to yourself.

One of the unhealthiest habit is called rumination. To ruminate means to go over in the mind repeatedly. It's when your boss yells at you or your professor makes you feel stupid in class, or you have big fight with a friend and you just can't stop replaying the scene in your head for days, sometimes for weeks on end. As a habit it's a very costly one, because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at significant risk for developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease. Other people had this incredibly positive attitude. They are mindful and attentive to their emotions. Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment. And so each time you worry, or upset and have negative thoughts, forced yourself to concentrate on something else until the urge pass. Being mindful of our unhealthy psychological habits and changing them, your whole outlook will change and you become more positive and more hopeful after a week.

By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive. Years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. 

Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was psychologically healthier? If there were less loneliness and less depression? If people knew how to overcome failure? If they felt better about themselves and more empowered? If they were happier and more fulfilled? I believe our quality of life can improve just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene. And if you just become well informed and willing to change a few simple habits, well -- that's the world we can all live in. 

Resource: Guy Winch, PhD